Q:  Why are you so fat?

A:  Because pussy is high in calories.

Couple walk into the Cake Stand…
Him: It’s like a fat kids paradise
Her: It is like a fat kids paradise (they look up and notice me) How are you doing?
Me: Well, I’m in paradise, so I’m great.

Alright you pervs…this is for you..

50 Shades of Grey……as read by Gilbert Gottfried

No really, I’m fucking awesome.

But even I’M not THIS awesome…

I did a pub crawl with two Australian chicks who were all about some of me.   This is not bragging….this is observation throughout the entire night!   I tried to play it cool (because right now, I’m looking for NO ONE!)  and they kept dropping hints.  Plus they paid for every single one of my drinks!

I ran my mouth off a bit about music playing in certain clubs….and yes, maybe I was testing certain limits….but overall, I felt GREAT!

Does this make me a douche?    I don’t think so.  Here’s the clincher folks…..

With the prospect of sex (with a foreigner, and for the first time in over two years) I decided that getting home to my little Jameson was more important.    This either makes me a great man or a really big Pussy.    I choose the former.

There were so many points of the evening that I wanted to remember and relate to you all…..Ha….all….all 20 of you (that I love dearly)  But alcohol got the best of me.

I’m going to go play with my puppy now ( not a euphemism) so she feels as loved as she is…..   Maybe that’s all the love I need….

slainte

just a fact.

I got very trunk tonight!  I did my normal pub crawl, but for some reason (a girl) I got blitzed out of my mind.  She had just spent the last four months in Ireland…..I was enamoured to say the least.

We got drunk together (With the rest of the tour)  and had a great time.   I got her number, of course.  But then she made the point of saying, this doesn’t mean anything…..    then she texted me all night…..

I don’t like games.   I’m very flattered that some very attractive girl has a passing interest in me…but I will not pursue such interest due to that comment alone.

(Remember Not Another Teen Movie?….. Ted is the College tour guide at the beginning)

I spent the rest of my night having a convo with the Lesbian bartender about the new amendment and my thoughts on life….

she played the music that I loved and we agreed on all issues….

sorry I’ve been away so long (all 20 of you)  Being a single dad has taken it’s toll.

Night all….

slainte

Not that it mattered, but Jameson did her part…